Dream Job

Many people who know me well know my dream job.

No, not to run an NBA franchise.

Not to be president.

Not even to be on the faculty at Penn State (although I REALLY like that job).

I want to drive a bus.

I now want to drive a bus in Shanghai.

Twice a week, I board a bus that takes me on a one-hour trip to the suburban campus where I teach. Twice a week, I am envious of the bus driver (twice a week I am also most fearful for my life, but more on that later).

He IS the most powerful person in the world.

Bus drivers do not stop for anything. Bus drivers hardly look at the traffic light. As we are leaving campus, he honks his horn to tell everyone that he is coming. I can't tell you how many students and faculty get thisclose to being hit, and those who actually do get brushed because they did not move out of the way fast enough. Since I am teaching at an international university, there are, of course, many international students. They just don't get it. The Chinese understand the situation. They move to the side faster. The international kids just freak out.

Once we are on the freeway, watch out. The first day, I sat in the back of the bus. STUPID. I didn't exactly throw up, but... Now I get to the bus early. I sit in the front, which I have discovered is where everyone else wants to sit. At least now I can see what is about to kill me.

OK, back to the freeway. The freeways are typically two lanes, unless of course, you count the emergency lanes on the left and right. So, they are really four lanes. The bus driver uses all of them.

I can't stand people who honk their horn for no reason. When the bus driver does it, it's really cool.

Forty minutes. That's how long the bus driver honked his horn yesterday. I counted.

It's only a one-hour trip.

He drove up to 120 KMH. Everyone else was driving about 80. That's why he honked.

Think about it. Here is a guy, driving a bus four times the size of any of the cars, 50% faster than anyone else, causing more near accidents than you can imagine, and honking his horn for forty minutes with one hand.

And eating a cucumber in the other.

That is where I became a real fan. My knuckles were as white as a skeleton, and yet I was in awe.

Yes, I want to drive a bus.

But, I will eat a carrot.